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Thursday, 15 December 2011

i'm gonna buy my boyfriend on the internet.

I made a decision today.
I've been saving up at absolute random recently..for nothing at all in particular.
And I've finally felt the urge to splurge my cash.
But on what, you might ask?
That was the tricky part. Took me a while to figure it out.
What do I need, I thought to myself...

New shoes? No. 

Groceries? Nah.

Any clothes? Getting some for christmas so I'm okay on that front..

Maybe I should just save it? ....................................EW.

What ever else could I possibly need.?

*lightbulb attack.

If I don't need clothes or food or blah blah blah..there's only one thing left until my life is complete.

Boy of my dreams...
I'm coming for you...

Anybody ever bought shoes with Nike-ID?
Well...incase you've never...I'll fill you in.
Nike-id is an online facility provided by the lovely people @Nike. It enables you to design your own sneakers.
Like it basically gives you a shape of your choice. A blank canvas of a shoe, chosen by you. It's like a runner colouring book. You pick what colors you want where and all that jazz... You can even get text written on your shoes. Can't say I'm proud of what I got written on my hi-tops back in the day...bit cringe but sher what can I do now.
You get the picture.
Basically you create your own personal shoe.

Well's kinda like that.
This websites supposed to be a secret...
But its called boyfriend
it costs a million euro to make a boyfriend so I just went to the bank and they gave it to me straight away. :) It was fun and stuff.

Back to the point.
I went on this website and created my imaginary dream lover because I'm class like that. His name is Ken 2.0 and he's beautiful and perfect and rich and amazing. Stop being jealous and read about how amazing he makes my life everyday. I can hear you crying you jealous bitch. Stop being such a shit friend and appreciate my companion for the immaculate and incredible imaginary human that he is. You're really selfish. Be happy for meh.

He has black hair and it's pouffy and purrfect and it always looks BEAUT every minute of the day.
His eyes are big and blue and I can always tell when he's lying by the way he looks at me. His lips are big and nom-ful but super masculine and perfect and I worship them. His cheekbones arch harder than the leaning tower of Pisa and I appreciate every bit of calcium and/or mineral that they are made from. He has beautiful translucent skin and it hurts to stare at his face for too long.
He's taller than most but he's not awkward looking whatsoever. He stands straight and proud and could be scouted at any minute. He holds my hand everywhere we go, even when I tell him to stop. He's overtly affectionate so I make a rota of the days he's allowed to touch me. Can't handle him in public lioke. He's got big hands cause he's tall but I don't mind. ;)

Deep and dark ..he's kinda sensitive and I love him for it...cept for when he cries at the TrĂ³caire adverts. Kills me. He loves to talk about his feelings and winces at the site of violence. He drinks like a fish and is the fastest chugger you've ever seen. All the girls want him and all the boys wanna be him. He loves Bloc Party more than I do and hes seen them live more times than he's had hot dinners. His clothes are unreal and he's got just the right style. Sometimes he's clingy but I tell him if he runs all my errands that he can hang out with me for approx one hour each eve. He falls at my feet. Considerate and caring and he's never a c***.  He loves dogs and he hates cats. He wants 2 kids and he said I can pick the names for both. Alex for our girl and Roman for our boy.. obvzz. We always argue but the fights are always fun. Splashes the cash on occasion and takes me for romantic dinners whenevzz. He's not afraid of anything and he's got piercings and tats everywhere you can think of. His voice makes me want to sing and I love when he plays with my hair. He's the funniest person I know and he's got great taste in movies. His favourite actors Jonny Depp but I try to look past that. He loves the classics like Fear and Loathing...and The Lost Boys.. I adore him more and more by the second. He makes my heart skip like 9 beats every 2 seconds and we've got the whole deep, complicated ''We found love'' sombre, emo relationship thing going on. Werking it as well.

Whenever we go anywhere he always has a plan. He's thoughtful and generous and he brought me to the Eiffel Tower last night and proposed. Then we got wasted with some french drug lords that he owed money to..but we escaped from the hotel and got early flights home so nothing bads gonnna happen. Holy shit though...Pierre, Jacque and the crew francais sure did know how to partaay.  Hotel room was trashed after I threw the TV out the 7th floor window. Didn't help that the love of my life bought me the lion from the Circus show we went to the night before. I loved it so much. He surprised me with it as an engagement present. Dunno how I'm gonna take care of it and feed it at all... I named him Rory. Cause he rawrs. alot.


So yeah.
My life is complete.
He makes me want to live forever like Edward and Bella and I'm gonna suck his blood so we never die ever ever ever. Anyways I gotta run. He's out on the yacht waiting for me. We just got married and now we're going to Fiji for a month to sit and soak up all the beautiful sun together. We're meeting all our best friends out there for the bonding experience of a life time. Swimming with dolphins and other crazy in huts made of straw and bamboo..and staying up late telling scary stories at the side of a bonfire on the beach. Life is amazing. Wouldn't be the same without you, Kennybear. ;)

I have so much time on my hands that I've hit my head and lost the plot. Nobodys purrrrrrfect and everybodys beautiful in their own funny fucked up kinda way. I love my life and I accept good people for who they are. Everything happens for a reason and sometimes the flaws in people are the most beautiful parts. Embrace, Indulge, Appreciate and get messy.

lots of love,

check out the pictures on my last post, they're lovely.
ignore the writing. boredom cental.
enjoy x

1 comment:

  1. Those boys are hot hot hot. If only life was that simple. I say buy yourself some super glittery shoes x