Milestones.
Everybody experiences 'em in one way or another.
Black people.
White people.
Gay people.
Straight people.
Holy people.
Spiritual people.
Heck, even annoying people experience different milestones.
As derived from the Lion King..it's all part of the Circle of Life.
So what are the most obvious milestones these days?
Awkward things like Holy Communion...Confirmation...the first time you ride your bike without training wheels..(which in my case took a bit longer than others...13 years old with training wheels on my bike or stabilizers or whatever the fuck they're called in this country...I'M COOL.)...the usuals. Those aren't the milestones I'm talking about though. I'm talking about the more X-rated kinda ones. Like the first time you got high. Or the first time you stole something. You're first OTT shift against the wall in the Arts Center? First time you got twisted and abusive and hilarious and fell everywhere and everyone told you that you were a legend. Like the buzz and the memories and the bad decision making. It might not be the best idea at the time, but the best stories are results of bad decisions. So enjoy being young and foolish please. Make a few stories to tell the grand-kids.
Tell me you've done drugs already please?
For gods sake..if it's not out of your system at this stage please get it over with.
It's totally not what you expect.
I pictured Wayne & Garth at Woodstock high off their faces
Totally not how it goes.
Seriously though...if you need some weed throw me a text..my numbers 087921.... House calls included.
LOL. Awh no but like I'm not promoting..just saying if ya haven't done it you should tick it off your list so that you don't go mental and get addicted when you're like 45 married with kids having a mid-life crisis...I don't know. Please don't kill me for saying people should try drugs. Personally I don't get the fascination..most people I know do it or started because of peer pressure which is sad but shit happens. End of the day, life is for experiencing. JUST DO IT. Nike really should be giving me some sort of sponsorship or contract...
By the way I BY NO MEANS think doing drugs is cool. It's not. What's cool about being addicted to pharmaceuticals and having to be in a rehab? Nada. Just saying that like everyone's gonna have the opp at some point so you might as well get it over with. Such an awkward opening paragraph. :P
Okay so that's the awkward one out of the way...:)
What about the last time you shoplifted?
Okay so the more I write, the more I realise that not only do I sound like a terrible person, but also I really and truly could be like prosecuted in court for this entry. Proper incriminating shit right here..in writing and all.
But anyways..yeah..Texas Mullingar. Seriously that place used to have wanted posters up at one point right on the windows of the main door. Remember the days? Personally I've only proper taken something from a well known pink girls shop in Harbour Place...back in the dark and desperate days where a sick bangle would set you back a tenner and pink hair extensions were the next big thing. And yes. I bought them.
However there's one thing I'm an absolute divil knacker for. I like to call it..re-pricing. So you go into your fave shop in Dubland..the amazing one with all the high fashion shit? Its a top shop if ya get me...I really did just make that joke. But yeah, you go into that shop. And there's all these amazing shapes and colors and textures and you're just in absolute awe before you've even made it to the second floor. You're walking along with your iPod in..soaking in all the amazing and overpriced but completely worthy fashion garments. Cobalt blue bodycon. 22E. CHECK. Burgundy Chiffon gold button shirt.36E. All fair amounts of cash in exchange for such beautiful items of clothing. But then it happens. You're weak at the knees. Your feeling slightly dizzy and you're gasping for more. Time to come up for air. You stare for a second and pinch yourself. It's not a dream so you grab the most beautiful black waistcoat you've ever seen off the dazzling black hanger and try it on. They've got your size and it fits PERFECTLY. Glove fitting kinda thaaang. The gold gleaming embellishments on the shoulders make you nervous. The craftmenship and the draping of the back. Just a beaut. It fits. It's amaze. You're in love. It's officially purchasing time. Until you glance at the price tag. 96 FUCKING EURO FOR A POCKET-SIZED, MADE IN INDIA PIECE OF HEAVEN? .............I want it. But fucking hell, that'd keep at least 10 average sized families in Africa alive at 7 pounds a month if we're really gonna take what Trocáire are saying seriously. It's too much money.
So what to do..?
Leave it there and weep about it for the whole train ride home while sobbing to sappy snow patrol ballads?
Or snake a blue sale sticker for 12e and chance your arm at the till with the youngest newest and most nervous-est looking member of staff and run the fuck outta there?
THE LATTER OPTION.
OBVVZ.
Voila.
You've made it.
You're on the train home, waistcoat intact.
MADE MY YEAR. And I even had the cheek to ask for student discount.
Hiya Kate Moss embellished black and gold waistcoat priced at 96e and bought by ME for 9.60e.
An exact tenth of the price. LOL.
Another milestone.?
The first time karma comes back and gives you the best shift of your life.
After all those miserable nights of being the girl who lost her purse...
You're finally the girl who found a browny/gold 50e note in the toilets.
It's you're time to shine. Put it in you're purse and run. Somebody did it to you so fuck it.
Karma happens for a reason bitchezzzzzzz. Okay I'll tell the truth. If anyone I knew/was friends with lost the money I'd give it back in a heartbeat for the obvious reasons. Otherwise? Fair game. It happens to all of us so we deserve a break every once in a while. How often do you find a 50e note anywhere anyways? I never have. And I think it's about time I did considering I lost 150e..my laser..my age card..my student card...my sub card..EVERYTHING. All at Oxegen on Day 1. Depression but still an AMAZING weekend.
What about the first time your watched an R-rated DVD?
In English, that translates as like watching an 18's film when you're like 12.
In America, those movies are just called R-rated.
The funny excited naughty feeling you felt waiting in the car while Mam went in and rented it outta Xtravision for ya. The awkward moment when you're parents walk into the room just as two people start having sex or shifting or doing something ridic awkward and you're just dying for the floor to open up and swallow you. And of course the minute the rents leave...not a sign of shifting for the rest of the movie. TYPICAL SHER.
Dya remember that time you shifted the bure in the bike shed?
And you knew the cameras were watching?
And yee were getting pure raunch with it?
And then you got called into the Principals Office...not because you were shifting.
But because some lads bike went missing while the two of yee were in there and he needs it to get home. To make matters worse? Your Principal has video footage. And he's a priest. Awkwardest milestone of your life. :)
Another awkward milestone?
What about the first time you smoked a cigarette?
Hiya I was 18 and my mother and best friend literally forced it down my neck all at once.
PRESSURE MUCH? No but you know what I mean..the really awk moment when you have your first fag in front of a few cool kids and you're shitting yourself that you're breathing/smoking/inhaling blah blah blah doing it wrong. And you just wish it would finish really quickly so you can stop fidgeting with it in your mouth. And it tastes DISGUSTING.
The first time you were honest with the bitch in your class.
The first time you told her to fuck herself and quit stealing all your pencils.
The first time she actually fucked herself and got the hint. :D
Or even the first down you lay in front of the stars at approx midnight with your best friend, a naggon, a box of fags and the stars staring back at you. Wasn't that beaut?
(I love my life.)
Even just when you wear a really out-there, different , incredible , funky outfit that nobody else likes.
Other unreal milestones include being so wasted that you start talking the biggest load of shit to the employees of Abra Mullingar about Penguins and Polar bears and the like all coming back to haunt us after Global warmings finito and they survive to tell the tale.
Or when you like a boy and you tell him out loud. CRINGE.
Or when you get into a nightclub for the first time with a fake ID.
Or better. When you get into a nightclub....with YOUR REAL ID.
The first time you order a shot. Or down it thereafter.
The first time you meet a special boys parents or he takes you out for a meal and holds the door open for you.
The first time you ride a motorcycle with a sexy ride by the name of Justin Bobby.
The first time you shift someone of the same sex. *
Your first DEBS. (PS HOIYA AUGUST 10TH GOING TO BE UNREAL WITH FINIANS CREW "11)
The first time you fall flat on your face after too much drink and not enough dancing in a huge packed nightclub.
The first time a stranger pokes you on facebook.
The first time you get your first pay cheque from a full weeks solid work.
Milestones are bitchy sometimes too.
Like the first time the boy you're obsessed with makes you feel like shit.
The first time you say something stupid. And he just stares.points.and laughs.
The first time you have a fight with that one friend you never fight with.
The first time you get refused from a nightclub because some pricks on the door.
The first time you get twisted and fucked in New York and you get sick everywhere and you had a chinese the few hours before.
The first time your best friend gets sick in New York after too much drink..her first fag..and a chinese takeaway......and you have to clean up her sick while she stares at you half asleep and smelling of puke.
I LOVE MILESTONES.
Good.
Bad.
Or ugly.
They make for good storytelling and whats the point of life if it's not full of random amazing exciting invigorating experiences and laughs and giggles and loves and hates.
Life's for living so JUST FUCKING DO IT YEAH BBZ?
Yeah. :) Stop being a lurch and not going for it.
Be the crazy fuck you wanna be and bounce onto the wild side of life. The grass is most defo greener over here and we're all smiley and friendly and happy here too :)
See you on the other side sexcee'zzzzzzzzzz.
love,
me.
x
Seriously though...if you need some weed throw me a text..my numbers 087921.... House calls included.
LOL. Awh no but like I'm not promoting..just saying if ya haven't done it you should tick it off your list so that you don't go mental and get addicted when you're like 45 married with kids having a mid-life crisis...I don't know. Please don't kill me for saying people should try drugs. Personally I don't get the fascination..most people I know do it or started because of peer pressure which is sad but shit happens. End of the day, life is for experiencing. JUST DO IT. Nike really should be giving me some sort of sponsorship or contract...
By the way I BY NO MEANS think doing drugs is cool. It's not. What's cool about being addicted to pharmaceuticals and having to be in a rehab? Nada. Just saying that like everyone's gonna have the opp at some point so you might as well get it over with. Such an awkward opening paragraph. :P
Okay so that's the awkward one out of the way...:)
What about the last time you shoplifted?
Okay so the more I write, the more I realise that not only do I sound like a terrible person, but also I really and truly could be like prosecuted in court for this entry. Proper incriminating shit right here..in writing and all.
But anyways..yeah..Texas Mullingar. Seriously that place used to have wanted posters up at one point right on the windows of the main door. Remember the days? Personally I've only proper taken something from a well known pink girls shop in Harbour Place...back in the dark and desperate days where a sick bangle would set you back a tenner and pink hair extensions were the next big thing. And yes. I bought them.
However there's one thing I'm an absolute divil knacker for. I like to call it..re-pricing. So you go into your fave shop in Dubland..the amazing one with all the high fashion shit? Its a top shop if ya get me...I really did just make that joke. But yeah, you go into that shop. And there's all these amazing shapes and colors and textures and you're just in absolute awe before you've even made it to the second floor. You're walking along with your iPod in..soaking in all the amazing and overpriced but completely worthy fashion garments. Cobalt blue bodycon. 22E. CHECK. Burgundy Chiffon gold button shirt.36E. All fair amounts of cash in exchange for such beautiful items of clothing. But then it happens. You're weak at the knees. Your feeling slightly dizzy and you're gasping for more. Time to come up for air. You stare for a second and pinch yourself. It's not a dream so you grab the most beautiful black waistcoat you've ever seen off the dazzling black hanger and try it on. They've got your size and it fits PERFECTLY. Glove fitting kinda thaaang. The gold gleaming embellishments on the shoulders make you nervous. The craftmenship and the draping of the back. Just a beaut. It fits. It's amaze. You're in love. It's officially purchasing time. Until you glance at the price tag. 96 FUCKING EURO FOR A POCKET-SIZED, MADE IN INDIA PIECE OF HEAVEN? .............I want it. But fucking hell, that'd keep at least 10 average sized families in Africa alive at 7 pounds a month if we're really gonna take what Trocáire are saying seriously. It's too much money.
So what to do..?
Leave it there and weep about it for the whole train ride home while sobbing to sappy snow patrol ballads?
Or snake a blue sale sticker for 12e and chance your arm at the till with the youngest newest and most nervous-est looking member of staff and run the fuck outta there?
THE LATTER OPTION.
OBVVZ.
Voila.
You've made it.
You're on the train home, waistcoat intact.
MADE MY YEAR. And I even had the cheek to ask for student discount.
Hiya Kate Moss embellished black and gold waistcoat priced at 96e and bought by ME for 9.60e.
An exact tenth of the price. LOL.
Another milestone.?
The first time karma comes back and gives you the best shift of your life.
After all those miserable nights of being the girl who lost her purse...
You're finally the girl who found a browny/gold 50e note in the toilets.
It's you're time to shine. Put it in you're purse and run. Somebody did it to you so fuck it.
Karma happens for a reason bitchezzzzzzz. Okay I'll tell the truth. If anyone I knew/was friends with lost the money I'd give it back in a heartbeat for the obvious reasons. Otherwise? Fair game. It happens to all of us so we deserve a break every once in a while. How often do you find a 50e note anywhere anyways? I never have. And I think it's about time I did considering I lost 150e..my laser..my age card..my student card...my sub card..EVERYTHING. All at Oxegen on Day 1. Depression but still an AMAZING weekend.
What about the first time your watched an R-rated DVD?
In English, that translates as like watching an 18's film when you're like 12.
In America, those movies are just called R-rated.
The funny excited naughty feeling you felt waiting in the car while Mam went in and rented it outta Xtravision for ya. The awkward moment when you're parents walk into the room just as two people start having sex or shifting or doing something ridic awkward and you're just dying for the floor to open up and swallow you. And of course the minute the rents leave...not a sign of shifting for the rest of the movie. TYPICAL SHER.
Dya remember that time you shifted the bure in the bike shed?
And you knew the cameras were watching?
And yee were getting pure raunch with it?
And then you got called into the Principals Office...not because you were shifting.
But because some lads bike went missing while the two of yee were in there and he needs it to get home. To make matters worse? Your Principal has video footage. And he's a priest. Awkwardest milestone of your life. :)
Another awkward milestone?
That time when you bought the top your friend told you she wanted to buy.
And you just can't help it cause it's just such an unreal top and too cheap to turn down.
And like UGH you just can't help it but you know it's gonna be super awk and blatant and obvz. DIE. Worse when their size isn't in stock but yours is and you've got the dosh and everything but they saw it first. DIE. DIE. DIE. Hate it. Hahaha. Funny though..
What about the first time you smoked a cigarette?
Hiya I was 18 and my mother and best friend literally forced it down my neck all at once.
PRESSURE MUCH? No but you know what I mean..the really awk moment when you have your first fag in front of a few cool kids and you're shitting yourself that you're breathing/smoking/inhaling blah blah blah doing it wrong. And you just wish it would finish really quickly so you can stop fidgeting with it in your mouth. And it tastes DISGUSTING.
The first time you were honest with the bitch in your class.
The first time you told her to fuck herself and quit stealing all your pencils.
The first time she actually fucked herself and got the hint. :D
Or even the first down you lay in front of the stars at approx midnight with your best friend, a naggon, a box of fags and the stars staring back at you. Wasn't that beaut?
(I love my life.)
Other unreal milestones include being so wasted that you start talking the biggest load of shit to the employees of Abra Mullingar about Penguins and Polar bears and the like all coming back to haunt us after Global warmings finito and they survive to tell the tale.
Or when you like a boy and you tell him out loud. CRINGE.
Or when you get into a nightclub for the first time with a fake ID.
Or better. When you get into a nightclub....with YOUR REAL ID.
The first time you order a shot. Or down it thereafter.
The first time you meet a special boys parents or he takes you out for a meal and holds the door open for you.
The first time you ride a motorcycle with a sexy ride by the name of Justin Bobby.
The first time you shift someone of the same sex. *
Your first DEBS. (PS HOIYA AUGUST 10TH GOING TO BE UNREAL WITH FINIANS CREW "11)
The first time you fall flat on your face after too much drink and not enough dancing in a huge packed nightclub.
The first time a stranger pokes you on facebook.
The first time you get your first pay cheque from a full weeks solid work.
Milestones are bitchy sometimes too.
Like the first time the boy you're obsessed with makes you feel like shit.
The first time you say something stupid. And he just stares.points.and laughs.
The first time you have a fight with that one friend you never fight with.
The first time you get refused from a nightclub because some pricks on the door.
The first time you get twisted and fucked in New York and you get sick everywhere and you had a chinese the few hours before.
The first time your best friend gets sick in New York after too much drink..her first fag..and a chinese takeaway......and you have to clean up her sick while she stares at you half asleep and smelling of puke.
Good.
Bad.
Or ugly.
They make for good storytelling and whats the point of life if it's not full of random amazing exciting invigorating experiences and laughs and giggles and loves and hates.
Life's for living so JUST FUCKING DO IT YEAH BBZ?
Yeah. :) Stop being a lurch and not going for it.
Be the crazy fuck you wanna be and bounce onto the wild side of life. The grass is most defo greener over here and we're all smiley and friendly and happy here too :)
See you on the other side sexcee'zzzzzzzzzz.
love,
me.
x
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